Underload

I came across an interesting post written by the wonderful Ashley over at Small Strokes on the subject of overload . What she had to say was familiar, especially the bit about disappearing when overcommitment prevents the required perfection being attained (reading the last bit into it through my own messed up process). The urge to do everything and to do it perfectly is so strong, and when each project that comes along is so very exciting, or challenging, or offers such an amazing developmental opportunity, how can you say no? I have to say I admire the way that Ashley has created a strategy to filter and that that involves getting a reality check from her biggest supporter, her husband. Would that we all could have that external calm and positive reflector to helpus figure out our priorities.

But what also came to mind reading Ashley's post was about the opposite problem, the danger of underload. That vast gaping chasm that envelops when you are not being challenged, when there is no excitement, when lack of confidence has led to the incremental reduction in your projects and goals. And just as the panic of overload can lead to disappearance as a means of managing the stress, so the panic of worthlessness that comes with underload can lead to disappearance.

As I struggle to complete this wretched PhD, I find that my world has shrunk to this house, these few streets, and few, predictable outings for functional purposes. And rather than being a productive space to write in, the inertia of underload makes the whole process one of constant struggle against self-doubt and, at times, loathing.

Which is not to take anything away from Ashley and her struggles with overload. It just got me wondering if there is a sweet spot of 'load' in which heart, body and mind sings, and the possibilities soar. And if so, how do you go about finding it?